Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
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Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted : $10.
Teacher : You don't know maths.
Ted : You don't know my father!
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Mother : David, come here.
David : Yes, mum?
Mother : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
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Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
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A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence... The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter : It's mummy!
Father : How do you know?
Daughter : She didn't say anything.
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Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
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Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
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Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
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Teacher : Simon, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
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Teacher: 'Where were u born?'
Student: ' Singapore , Sir.'
Teacher: 'Which part?'
Student: 'All of me, Sir.'
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A teacher was asking her class: 'What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?'
Only one hand shot up.
'Ok, answer, Joan' said the teacher.
''unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle.'
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Teacher: 'How come you do not comb your hair?'
Ah Kow: 'No comb, Sir.'
Teacher: 'Use your dad's then.'
Ah Kow: 'No hair, Sir.'
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A boy came home from school with his exam results.
'What did u get?' asked his father.
'My marks are under water,' said the boy.
'What do u mean 'under water'?'
'They are all below 'C' (sea) level'
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Well, that's the end of the jokes. Hope you have a good laugh! Do share it with all your friends and family so that they will have a good laugh too. :D
Have a nice day!
Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 not allowed Lah !
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Ah Beng : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Ah Beng : "Give me a green one, please "
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Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.
Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure of the question.
After much thought, he writes " Yes "
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Ah Beng : "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
Ah Beng : "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Ah Beng : "I'll buy it"
The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask
Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"
Ah Beng : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do ?"
Ah Beng : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss : "What do you have in it !?"
Ah Beng : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Why can't Ah Beng dial 911?
Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
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Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it. When he encountered some problems. He decided to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been over half an hour and still nobody come and help me Lah ?!"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring, lah - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear, lah"
"Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to the other ear ?"
Ah Beng answered : "That stupid dumbo called back, lah !!!!"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
Ah Beng: "Could you please tell me the TIME DIFFERENCE betweenTaipei and Las Vegas ?"
Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."
Ah Beng : "THANK YOU , lah" AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Ah Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL." Ah Beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN
FOR 4-7 YRS".
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE"
and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?"
Ah Beng replies : "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED lah"
-------? ? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Also found the following info in a Japan-guide website.
Wasabi is Japanese horseradish. It is most famous in form of a green paste used as condiment for sashimi (raw seafood) and sushi. However, wasabi is also used for many other Japanese dishes.
Wasabi is a root vegetable that is grated into a green paste. In supermarkets, wasabi is widely available as a paste or in powder form. Wasabi powder has to be mixed with water to become a paste. Wasabi has a strong, hot flavour which dissipates within a few seconds and leaves no burning aftertaste in one's mouth.
Many "wasabi" powder and paste products that are available in supermarkets (and even some restaurants) contain only very little or no real wasabi at all and are made of coloured horseradish instead. This is due to the fact that cultivation of real wasabi is relatively difficult and expensive.
WASABI generally is : 90% chemical products!
喜歡吃壽司的朋友要注意了！
The WASABI generally used contains 90% harmful chemical products!
The real WASABI is in huge demand. Since the raw WASABI plant is in shortage and the labor costs to make WASABI is very high,the WASABI generally is : 90% chemical products!
你的肝腎夠好到可以吃有害WASABI(哇沙必)嗎?
~90%WASABI(哇沙必) is 多為CHEMICAL化學製品，多食傷Kidney-Liver-Killer 肝腎!!
調查中心╱台北報導 現在的哇沙必，有很多是不明成分的化學合成物，
因為真正的山葵產量少-價格高，甚至連5星級飯店都不保證用天然山葵，
這種化學哇沙必部分含有重金屬，雖然沒有超過標準，但醫師提醒不要多吃。
走到傳統漁市場，一陣嗆味撲鼻而來，仔細一看，原來是賣生魚片的攤位在調
哇沙必，
老闆娘說她用的是山葵粉，因為這種粉便宜又大碗，50元/包，
就可以調成好幾百小包，一般市場小吃店甚至餐廳都喜歡用山葵粉，
只是用粉調出來的沾醬，為什麼味道特別濃嗆？
這裡頭到底含有什麼成分？
記者一路追蹤到食品行，結果店家給的答案很驚人。
業者表示：「我是怕說這會加化學的東西，加減都會，我們說實話，
因為它這種東西有加工過，妳聽得懂我的意思嗎？」
雖然外包裝上標示裡頭的內容物有山葵、香料以及合成色素，不過專家質疑，
這根本就是化學合成的哇沙必，因為台灣的山葵是不可能冷凍乾燥做成粉。
師大化學教授吳家誠指出：
「它裡面的標示只標示出原料，並沒有告訴我們實際上是什麼化學成分，
它很可能用這些原料，當然實際上要摻一些這種化學的這個成分，
才會得到它這種有哇沙米辛辣的那種味道。」
記者拿[山葵][粉]去化驗，結果檢驗出重金屬成分有銅鉛以及砷等，
到底真假哇沙必要怎麼分辨？
其實很簡單，一滴碘酒就可以知道答案。
生化博士陳耀寬指出：
「我們調和好之後，拿家裡用的碘酒滴一滴在上面，經過 一兩 分鐘，
這個褐色的碘酒，如果變成[藍黑色]的，表示它裡面有澱粉成分存在，
那就是說它是用丙烯芥子油加上澱粉，混合而成的假哇沙必。」
化學合成哇沙必顏色鮮綠、味道濃嗆，
[純天然的顏色比較淡]，半小時之後，香辣味就會消失，滴上碘酒也不容易變色。
至於山葵粉中的重金屬含量，長庚毒物科主任林杰樑強調，雖然重金屬含量
符合標準，但是肝腎不好的人，最好少碰，以免造成身體的負擔
