Showing posts with label Laughter Is The Best Medicine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Laughter Is The Best Medicine. Show all posts

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

LATEST HIGHWAY CODE (This is ingenuity working)

I received this from a friend via e-mail and I know I must share this with my readers.  Do read on and have a good laugh.  ENJOY ...
No wonder many failed in their driving test!!!!!!!

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Thursday, 17 January 2013

Marital Humour

They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true.
As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.

Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed.
But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in Bed.

Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr : married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr : No, but the thought of long life will never come.

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

Wife: Darling, today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
'Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything!!'

What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.

When I was young I used to pray for a bike,
then I realized that God doesn't work that way,
so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

A little boy went up to his father and asked :
'Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?'
His father replied:
'Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine.'

Jimmy's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying : 'Jimmy seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls.'
The mother wrote back the next day: 'If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his father!'

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Wednesday, 16 January 2013

The Knothole

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no," said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."

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Thursday, 10 January 2013

Why I said YES

A woodcutter, while cutting trees dropped his axe into the river. But God was gracious and went into the water and reappeared with a silver axe. The Lord asked: Is this your axe?" "No," the woodcutter replied. The Lord again went down and came up with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" Again, the woodcutter replied: "No." The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" The woodcutter replied: "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep. The woodcutter went home happily. One week later, while helping him chop wood, his wife fell into the river. The Lord was gracious and went down into the water and came up with Christy Chung. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. "Yes!" cried the woodcutter. The Lord was angry: "I'm disappointed with you. Your told a lie!" "God, let me explain," the woodcutter pleaded. "You see, if I said 'no' to Christy Chung, you would come up with someone like Jennifer Lopez. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would come up with my wife, and I would say 'yes', and then all three would be given to me. But Lord, I am a poor man and I will not be able to take care of all three wives. So that's why I said yes this time."

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Monday, 8 October 2012


1)  A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

2)  A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

3)  One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'

Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

4)  The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor..'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead..'

5)  A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.' 

6) The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Sausage Factory‏?????

A SARDAR sent his son abroad to give him a good education. On his return back home after completing his studies the father
took the son to his factory where they made sausages.

He let his son have a good look at the whole factory. The son examined the whole procedure seriously and gave a kind of brainy look.

Dad was so happy and asked the son,"So Son, do you have any good plans to further develop our business?."

SON: "Haanji, instead of putting the pigs into the machine and getting sausages out, we can put sausages in and get pigs from the other side"

Dad got so annoyed and he said,
"Wah PUTHAR! You are so clever. Only your mom has that kind of machine, where I put my sausage in and a pig like you came out!"

Monday, 24 September 2012

Man and Woman

Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied man.
But behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man

Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service.

What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of Cosmo.
Son on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of Playboy
Wife on the cover of "Missing Persons"

Q: Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
A: To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.

Teacher: "What do you want to become?"
Little Johnny: "Doctor!!"
Teacher: "Why?"
Little Johnny: "Coz its the only profession where you can tell a woman to take off her clothes and get her husband to pay you."

Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die, wanted her tombstone to read:
The engraver shortened it to:

75-year-old man got married to a 16-year-old girl.
On their first night both were crying….
Coz she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything.

Behind every successful man is a woman.
That's why Bill Gate always keeps his wallet in front.

Friday, 21 September 2012

$7.00 SEX

Economic lesson for today... $7.00 Sex

An Arizona couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office. 

The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' 

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse..'

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'

The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married; so we can't go to her house. I'm married; and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98.
The Hilton charges $139.

We do it here for $50, and
Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7.


Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Lim Peh Ka Lu Kong!

Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients.

He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?"

Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing.  Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!"

The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers.

The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on...."

At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Aiyoh, Ah Seng!  Ah Pa pang jio in the fridge again!"
 ____________ _________ _________

QUESTION: How do you know frogs are Hokkien?
ANSWER : Because when it's cold, they go "kwah,kwah, kwah".

 QUESTION : How do Hokkien prawns laugh?
ANSWER: Hae hae hae.

 QUESTION: How do Hokkien fish laugh?
 ANSWER: Hoo hoo hoo.

 And here is a classic ......

QUESTION: What's the difference between Ang-mor and Hokkien fairy Tales?

ANSWER: Ang-mor fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..." and Hokkien fairy tales begin with "Lim Peh ka lu kong..."

Wednesday, 5 September 2012

What is a 710??????

A few days ago a mechanic was having some work done at his garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred- ten.

All the mechanics there looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..'

She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'.

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' the mechanic fainted

If you're not sure what a 710 is ...................
.........Scroll down

WOMAN DRIVERS.......Good for a laugh....
Okay guys you can stop laughing now!!

Tuesday, 14 August 2012


Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted : $10.
Teacher : You don't know maths.
Ted : You don't know my father!
Mother : David, come here.
David : Yes, mum?
Mother : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence... The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter : It's mummy!
Father : How do you know?
Daughter : She didn't say anything.

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
Teacher : Simon, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
Teacher: 'Where were u born?'
Student: ' Singapore , Sir.'
Teacher: 'Which part?'
Student: 'All of me, Sir.'
A teacher was asking her class: 'What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?'
Only one hand shot up.
'Ok, answer, Joan' said the teacher.
''unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle.'
Teacher: 'How come you do not comb your hair?'
Ah Kow: 'No comb, Sir.'
Teacher: 'Use your dad's then.'
Ah Kow: 'No hair, Sir.'
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
'What did u get?' asked his father.
'My marks are under water,' said the boy.
'What do u mean 'under water'?'
'They are all below 'C' (sea) level'
Well, that's the end of the jokes. Hope you have a good laugh! Do share it with all your friends and family so that they will have a good laugh too. :D
Have a nice day!

AH BENG the Crazy Singaporean

Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 not allowed Lah !
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Ah Beng : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Ah Beng : "Give me a green one, please "
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.
Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure of the question.
After much thought, he writes " Yes "
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Ah Beng : "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
Ah Beng : "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Ah Beng : "I'll buy it"
The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask
Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"
Ah Beng : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do ?"
Ah Beng : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss : "What do you have in it !?"
Ah Beng : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Why can't Ah Beng dial 911?
Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it. When he encountered some problems. He decided to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been over half an hour and still nobody come and help me Lah ?!"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring, lah - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear, lah"
"Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to the other ear ?"
Ah Beng answered : "That stupid dumbo called back, lah !!!!"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
Ah Beng: "Could you please tell me the TIME DIFFERENCE betweenTaipei and Las Vegas ?"
Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Ah Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.
FOR 4-7 YRS".
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng's left tells the bartender,
and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?"
Ah Beng replies : "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED lah"
-------? ? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Friday, 3 August 2012

Husbands and Wives

Marriage (Part I )
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you..
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?'

His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you'r e here or not.'


 Marriage (Part II)
 Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'

'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'


Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table..

Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'

She says, 'I was in bed.'

'In bed this early, doing what?'

'Getting a second opinion!'


 Marriage (Part IV)
 A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party.
The man decides that it IS time to go home and
wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'


A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of  paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 A M.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

You'll Laugh till it hurts!

Young and naive but very practical answers.

Had a bad day? Read the innocence of children.


A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

Don't change horses
until they stop running.
Strike while the
bug is close.
It's always darkest before
Daylight Saving Time.
Never underestimate the power of
You can lead a horse to water but
Don't bite the hand that
looks dirty.
No news is
A miss is as good as a
You can't teach an old dog new
If you lie down with dogs, you'll
stink in the morning.
Love all, trust
The pen is mightier than the
An idle mind is
the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's
Happy the bride who
gets all the presents.
A penny saved is
not much.
Two's company, three's
the Musketeers.
Don't put off till tomorrow what
you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
you have to blow your nose.
There are none so blind as
Stevie Wonder.
Children should be seen and not
spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed
get new batteries.
You get out of something only what you
see in the picture on the box.
When the blind lead the blind
get out of the way.
A bird in the hand
is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
Better late than

Sunday, 22 July 2012


A man was granted two wishes by God,
He asked for the best drink & the best woman ever.
Next moment he got mineral water & Mother Teresa.


There are 3 kinds of men in this world.
Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what happened!


Wives are magicians.
They can change anything into an argument


Why do women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, as compared to men?

A very INTELLIGENT student replied:

"Because Women don't have a wife!"


"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

Santa Singh's Baby

Santa Singh's wife was expecting and the baby was due any day.

Santa was very confident it would be a boy and was looking forward to the delivery day.

As fate would have it, he was transferred to another city and had to join office immediately.

Before going, he asked his father-in-law to send a telegram confirming the birth of his son.

But in order to avoid giving party to his office colleagues he asks his father -in-law to write "the clock has arrived" and he will understand that the son is born..

The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl.

Now Santa's father-in-law didn't know what to do.

If he writes "the clock has arrived" Santa will think he has got a Son.

If he writes "the clock has not arrived" Santa will get worried that something serious has happened.

But being a very intelligent person, the Father-in-Law finds a solution and sends the telegram.

Just read below, you will love it........

Santa received the telegram. He opened it eagerly and reads, "The clock has arrived, but the "pendulum" is missing".

Friday, 20 July 2012

Malaysian Lawyer

Abdul grew up in Kota Baru, a town located on the East Coast of Malaysia,and then moved away to Kuala Lumpur to do his law degree. After graduating, he decided to go back to Kota Baru, because he could be a big man there and he really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new law office.

The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.
As the man came to the door Abdul picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking.

"No. Absolutely no.. You tell those clowns in Kuala Lumpur that I won't settle this case for less than one million ringgit.. Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay, tell the State Prosecutor that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."

This sort of conversation went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Abdul rattled instructions. Finally, Abdul puts down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"

The man replied, "I'm from Telekom. I've come to connect your line".

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

The ABC of Kiasu-ism

- Always must win
- Borrow but never return
- Cheap is good
- Don't trust anyone
- Everything also must grab!
- Free! Free! Free!
- Grab first talk later
- Help yourself to everything
- I first, I want, I everything
- Jump queue
- Keep coming back for more
- Look for discount
- Must not lose face
- Never mind what they think
- Outdo everyone you know
- Pay only when necessary
- Quit while you are ahead
- Rushing and pushing wins the race
- Sample are always welcome
- Take but don't give
- Unless it's free forget it
- Vow to be number one
- Winner takes it ALL! ALL! ALL!
- Yell if necessary to get what you want
- Zebras are kiasu because they want to be both  
  black and white at the same time