Man and Woman

1.
Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied man.
But behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man

2.
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service.

3.
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of Cosmo.
Son on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of Playboy
and...
Wife on the cover of "Missing Persons"

4.
Q: Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
A: To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.

5.
Teacher: "What do you want to become?"
Little Johnny: "Doctor!!"
Teacher: "Why?"
Little Johnny: "Coz its the only profession where you can tell a woman to take off her clothes and get her husband to pay you."

6.
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die, wanted her tombstone to read:
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to:
"RETURNED UNOPENED"

7.
75-year-old man got married to a 16-year-old girl.
On their first night both were crying….
Why???
Coz she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything.

8.
Behind every successful man is a woman.
That's why Bill Gate always keeps his wallet in front.