BLACK TESTICLES

A male patient is lying in bed in hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.
A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know, sir.
I'm only here to wash your upper body.'
He struggles to ask again,
'Nurse, are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worrying about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the
other, lifting and moving them around and around gently.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure
you, there's nothing wrong with them, sir !!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask,
smiles at her and says very slowly,
'Thank you very much.
That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely.....

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ?'

Vitamin F

I loved this and want to share it with you...

Why do I have a variety of friends who are all so different in character? How can I get along with them all? I think that each one helps to bring out a "different" part of me.
With one of them I am polite. I joke with another friend.

I sit down and talk about serious matters with one. With another I laugh a lot. I may have a beer with one. I listen to one friend's problems. Then I listen to another one's advice for me.
My friends are all like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. When completed, they form a treasure box. A treasure of friends! They are my friends who understand me better than myself, who support me through good days and bad days. We all pray together and for each other.
Real Age doctors tell us that friends are good for our health. Dr. Oz calls them Vitamins F (for Friends) and counts the benefits of friends as essential to our well being. Research shows that people in strong social circles have less risk of depression and terminal strokes. If you enjoy Vitamins F constantly you can be up to 30 years younger than your real age. The warmth of friendship stops stress and even in your most intense moments it decreases the chance of a cardiac arrest or stroke by 50%.

I'm so happy that I have a stock of Vitamins F!
In summary, we should value our friends and keep in touch with them. We should try to see the funny side of things and laugh together, and pray for each other
in the tough moments.

Thank you for being one of my Vitamins!

The Not So Cute Boyfriend

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well, Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" !

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce replies instantly, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Bruce won't have an answer to.

After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well, Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."

Mr. Smith doesn't think little Bruce is so cute anymore.